Forget

(I don’t remember exactly when I wrote this, very likely about a week after braking up with Mg)

Do you remember what the first word I ever spoke to you was? I bet you don’t. It was “12.30” (you asked me for the time)

Do you remember how many cigarettes you smoked in the 30 minutes that took us to fall in love? I bet you don’t. You smoked four entire cigarettes. I didn’t smoke a single cigarette, because I didn’t want you to see that my hands were shaking.

Do you remember when the first time I called you on the phone was? I bet you don’t. It was on November 18th, 2003, about 15 hours after our first kiss. I did it because I needed to hear your voice to make sure I hadn’t dreamed what had happened the day before.

Do you remember what the first thing I ever gave you as a gift was? I bet you don’t. It was a silver Zippo lighter, the one you wanted for Christmas, only that I gave it to you the first days of December.

Do you remember the colour of the first flower I gave you? I bet you don’t. Yellow. A small yellow one with brown spots on its petals. You were listening to Coldplay’s ‘Parachutes’ in my discman and kissed me about twenty-five times when I gave you the flower.

Do you remember why our first argument was about? I bet you don’t. Chocolate. I told you I didn’t like white chocolate, something you couldn’t understand. You told me I was crazy.

Do you remember when the first time I said “I love you” was? I bet you don’t. It was after the accident you had on the bus. You were sitting on a bench in the square, crying. I told you that you couldn’t possibly get hurt anyhow because I loved you. You didn’t say a word in the next 10 minutes and I thought I had screwed it up.

Do you remember the first film we watched together? I bet you don’t. Signs, with Mel Gibson. We watched it at home, eating chips and totally naked. You screamed a lot, I laughed at lot.

Do you remember the first time you saw me crying? I bet you don’t. It was a week before Christmas. I was crying because my dad and I had had one of our arguments and I’d told him I hated him for the first time in my life. You took me to my favourite restaurant and made me eat a whole tuna sandwich.

Do you remember the first complete night we spent together? I bet you don’t. The one in the hotel next to the film theatre. We made love seven times that night and two more in the morning. A record for both of us.

Do you remember the first song I ever sang to you? I bet you don’t. It was Someday, from Nickelback. After I sang it, you were crying so I started to sing I will survive with woman-like manners. Kinda gay. Ha

Do you remember the first time you saw me drunk? I bet you don’t. It was the day we were celebrating 2 months together. I was singing out loud and they kicked us out of the pub because we were both seventeen. We went to your place and drank a complete bottle of rum with Coca-Cola. You didn’t go to bed till I called you to say I had got home OK (I don’t remember that call, though)

How many things! How many memories, how many words, how FUCKING many kisses, how many lies. I’ve seen how easily you forget. I hate myself for not being able to do the same.